Not Day 6. Sue me.
I’ve fallen off the wagon. I have 6 (7?) gym badges, so I commend my own initiative before I saw something shiny and wandered off.
I like trying to catch wild pokemon, but the thought of leveling a minorly interesting class when my 6-ball crew is level 50 makes me want to punch myself in the face. Otherwise, I just deposit unique ones at the daycare. In the eternal words of Gomez Addams, “I hope that someday you’ll know the indescribable joy of having children, and of paying someone else to raise them.”
Okay, let’s talk Team Flare. Or rather, the people Team Flare bulldozes. Like, I understand a megalomaniacal organization… I’m an American, I’m familiar with the concept. But the Power Plant employees? The Pokeball Factory workers? Those bitches just sat in a room pooping in buckets wringing their hands about being locked in. Just make a phone call (or “holoclip” or whatever!) to someone else, possibly the NEARBY TOWN OR SOMETHING and have them bring a shit load of pokemon. A few balls in the air (hee!) later and the pointy-haired gingers will turn tail. I base that knowledge on how many pointy-haired gingers that went crying to mommy after me, a MUTE TEENAGE GIRL (WITH AN AMAZING HAT), kicked the shit out of their pokemons.
I’m generally disappointed by the “boss battles” in this game. The Gym Leaders at least feel like they have unique pokemon (that I’ve had several levels of practice kicking the crap out of, so nice job). But the Team Flare Bureaucrat Du Jour that’s slightly higher ranking has been a consistent laughable joke.
I dunno. I’m hoping to finish
the game the story, since the game only ends when you CATCH ‘EM ALLLL and that sure as shit ain’t happenin’.
The egg hatched! Into an adorable icy kitty Sneasel! My Nagging Friend has excellent taste. I had to level the little guy from scratch, but the grind got me some evolved other teammates at least. Lil Brudder is all grown-up as a Lucario. Probably my favorite because she pretty much just one-shots everything. And Wrex the Charmeleon lights ‘em up.
The 2nd Rock Gym was pretty embarrassing in comparison. For them, not me. I one-shot both of the frickin’ Gym Leader’s pokemons.* I also find it really weird that there’s a device that just resurrects fossilized dinosaur pokemon willy-nilly. Doesn’t that mean death is meaningless? This universe got quite a bit creepier if that’s the case.
Which brings us to adversity in this game. Other than Team Thinly Veiled Megalomania, it seems like everyone else in this universe is just Kind of Bored and just picks a fight with everyone they meet. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy beating them and taking their money (that I guess was a bet agreed upon before the fight? Including by PRESCHOOLERS?). Despite most of the good sportsmanship going on, I suspect there’s a dark edge to all the aimless loser trainers wandering around in fields and caves looking for teenagers to beat up. And rob.
Otherwise, I honestly don’t understand what, if any, story thread is tying this game together. I don’t go in any direction because I know it’s the right way to go. It’s more just aimless wandering and hoping I stumble across whatever might next progress the story. My little nobody BFFs from my starting town just show up arbitrarily to either challenge me or red rover me to the next area. It’s kind of off-putting to be hailed as this rising star Trainer but just be wandering around blindly with no real goal other than hoping one of the goals of my OTHER “friends” aligns with mine.
*Not because I’m skilled at all. I just have Bulbapedia on speed dial. I have long since given up guessing what class type an enemy pokemon is based on what it looks like. I also don’t care enough to trial-and-error this shit. I mean, on the Damn Show I Barely Watched, Ash’s pokedex would pop open and explain WHAT THE THING WAS when it first appeared. So I expect nothing less.
Another smaller town I can’t pronounce. But a much more rad town: pretty much every person I came across just gave me stuff. Berries, potions, Pokeballs. You go, Camp Fear Or Whatever.
I came across some farming minigame that was poorly explained. I wasn’t paying close attention, but the gist I gathered was “here’s 10 berries, plant them, water them, something happens, profit?” So I did steps 1-3 but when it came time for Something Happens, the game was mum. I went back to the house with the lazy farmers for acknowledgement that I did their job for them/you’re welcome, but nothing. So do I own the pending berry trees now? I don’t know.
I’ve also gathered a LOT of items that I don’t understand. I guess they’re buffs, but some of them I can use and some of them can be held by Pokemon? I don’t know. I’m probably not maximizing my potential, which is true in real life so at least I’m being consistent.
And even an idiot like me knows what a Snorlax is. Maybe there should be a Snorlax Warning System around major bridges rather than a Find The Guy With The Magic Flute. Yes, I’m admitting I think the poke-flute guy’s job should be outsourced, but clearly he’s failing in times of need.
Predictions: Defeating the rich guy of Parfum Palace will open his eyes to his misguided hoarder life and he’ll magically become more giving and socialistic.
Why does this City That I Can’t Pronounce have 3 coffee houses on the same three block strip? Clearly a social commentary on Starbucks. There are also a lot of grumpy construction workers blocking me from areas, citing some mysterious “blackout.” It’s day time, bitch. Did the sun go out?
Also, $2,500 for a haircut and coloring?? One of my pokemon isn’t going to college with inflation like that. I do like that my character isn’t some chibi, head-deformed child. I’m like more of a teenager so it’s slightly more reasonable to send me off into the wild to get a job. I need cuter clothes. For some reason.
It also cracked my shit up that the PROFESSOR OF POKEMON (who never met me before now but had ever so much faith in me to just throw a Chespin in my face by proxy) admitted he isn’t very good at battle. I guess those who can’t do, teach, huh? And I finally had my chance at a Squirtle… But I went with Charmander. Sorry Simba, into the box you go. Nothing personal, but dragons are more rad than your shot at being the Lion King (Queen).
I took one look at Red Headed Stepchild Guy and knew he was the villain (nailed it). It’s a been awhile since I came across a narcissism villain so I’m not sure how I feel about. I predict I’ll be antagonized from afar before culminating in a final battle.
Otherwise, I’ve been grinding a lot. I caught a Riolu that I named Lil Brudder (http://youtu.be/3HGwIFJneeY) that is both darling and butt-kicking. One of the aforementioned Nagging Friends of mine gave me a mysterious egg to hatch, so I’m waiting on that right now too. The suspense!